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Dr Fanlove or How she learned to stop worrying and love the boat

One night I was enjoying a quiet dinner with my family, whom I hadn’t seen for nearly a year, when I notice a girl circling our table. Our eyes met as she lunged at me with “excuse me, are you the manchild?” I immediately pissed myself with laughter as it was the first time I had been called that by a stranger. She proceeded to tell me that she was my number one fan. She came across as a genuine soul who was sweet & funny with the best trait ever, she was my fan. I liked her immediately. I had always wanted one, well, fuck! Who hasn’t? But now that I had one to call my own, I was unsure how to handle it. It was so over-whelming, I was in state of drunken shock! Which will be my defence for the misdemeanour mentioned later in the story incidentally.

So I dumped the family for the sex and we went for drinks. Yes, I know I know! Taking advantage of someone who is infatuated with a caricature of yourself…. Blah blah blah. But she was pretty *blush*.

We had a great time talking about me, we talked and talked the night away with witty banter, about me. Ahhh….Bliss….. ahem, (it’s all about me) anyhow, we were walking past a whole bunch of yachts when I came up with what has to be the best idea that has ever come across anyone’s mind in the history of minds “Ever had the sex on another man’s boat?”. We stood there silently as a wickedly devious grin dissolved our faces from uncertainty. It was all go, we got to a boat that looked suitable and she froze.

“I can’t swim”, she admitted as I had already clambered on board. I looked up at her with a reassuring glance that conveyed both “hey, that’s cool” and “ya fuckin’ what?” as I started to guide her to the ‘safety’ of the boat. The adrenalin was pumping in my veins along with a shit load of alcohol as I started to open the cabin door. “I can’t believe it’s open”, I remember thinking as I scaled the cabin for any signs of inhabitants. All clear. We turned to each other and initiated sexual intercourse, or what we refer to as the sex. Now, it was reasonably loud and it must have gone on for at least five, to six hours ……minutes, when her head turned violently over my shoulder as if she had seen a ghost. I stopped and turned. It wasn’t a ghost, it was worse. The owner of the boat was walking towards us, not outside the boat where we had been keeping an eye out for, BUT INSIDE THE BOAT!!!!!!

He was big, old and pretty much naked with only a pair of briefs to his person. We stood stock as he walked towards us with a non-fussed, I’ve just woken up and I’m gunna have to take the time to rub my eyes a bit before I address the situation at hand kinda swagger. He stopped and looked down at us with a look of disgust regarding our unquestionable lack of attire. He and I locked eyes at that point and at the same time, as if choreographed, we both slid our focus down to my erect member and back up again to our initial eye to eye showdown. “I can’t fucking believe this” I said as I was completely out of material. What do you say? We were literally caught with our pants down during a bout of hows ya father in the man’s kitchen!! Fuck me! The audacity of the act suddenly caught up with me, this very sensation that had been skirted earlier by the alcohol and adrenalin now drove me to grab my stuff and get the fuck out of there.

“You can’t fucking believe it!!” the nudist boatman barked as we stumbled out of his residence with our tails between our legs. After we ran from the boat and put on some trousers we thought it best to hide in the bushes, as we were technically breaking and entering (we did notice an abnormal presence of cop cars at the scene whilst we hid). She proceeded to call her friend to come and pick us up, which she did. What a friend! I thought as I slumped into the back seat – as it was 5:37am!

“Manchild, you’re so cool!!” exclaimed the driver “I love all your stories and I tell all my mates about them”. She continued on with such talk as I began to wonder if this was all just some weird ass psycho melt down where I’ve concocted a land where people like me and everything is about me. It just all seems like bullshit and way too cool to be real. Was it all just a sick hallucination as a parody of an actor’s self obsession?

I pinched myself as my fellow boat evictee announced to her friend and saviour “AND……. I left my jacket and my shoes!!”

“Are you complaining?” barked the driver “You’ve just had the sex with the manchild!! A jacket and shoes are a small price to pay!! You just had sex with the manchild!” she concluded as I slide back into my seat with embarrassment. “Jesus” I thought “I like her already.”

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