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The time Johnny Howard was looking down at me whilst I was pounding away at some 17yr old politician's daughter.

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The time Johnny Howard was looking down at me whilst I was pounding away at some 17yr old politician’s daughter.

First of all, she told me she was 19. Of course she did, I hear you say, but I swear on your mother’s sweet ass that it’s true. I met her in a bar for chrissake! How does someone underage get into such establishments? Let alone purchase alcoholic beverages? I sure as fuck couldn’t! Manchildren are denied such privileges, as you very well know. I am pleading naivety!

So we met at a bar called barry, no shit there’s a bar called ‘a bar called barry’. Well anyway, we met at that ridiculously named bar and it became very clear that we were to participate in sexual relations. Yes indeed my friends, the sex was to take place at her apartment on Collins Street in the Melbourne CBD. To be honest I was more excited about seeing the apartment than I was about seeing her naked. Sad eh? But I had never seen a high-rise apartment in the city at night! As I sat in the taxi contemplating what it was going to be like to see the pretty skyline …….. up high, like a bird …… mmmm…. pretty…. I was interrupted by a girl, kissing my neck. Oh yeah, that’s right. The sex.

Did I mention that she told me she was 19?

We got up to her apartment and it was all I imagined it would be, although I learnt that it wasn’t her apartment at all. It was her father’s and he was some politician in Canberra, his name I forget. He must be a good one as his apartment kicked ass …aaand he had a signed photo from the Prime Minister himself! Wow! The latter was the most impressive. Of course I didn’t notice the photo until the sex was in full swing.

HOW CAN YOU STOP THINKING ABOUT THE FACT THAT OUR NATION’S LEADER IS LOOKING DOWN AT YOU WHILE YOU ARE HAVING THE SEX!!!

It was so hard to resist the temptation. I wanted to look away so bad. I couldn’t stop looking at him. His downie little smile gleamed at me in the moonlight with that beautiful city skylight behind him. It was quite touching. It was as though I had his blessing, his blessing to have the sex with this 19 year old girl. Thanks Johnny, I thought, and I continued to do so. But not without mentioning the fact that I found it a tad weird.

‘The downie in the frame keeps looking at me.’

‘He does that. Does he upset you?’

‘No, no, it’s kinda …. Comforting’

‘I think so’ she said with a reassuring smile, I looked up and Johnny did the same (in his downie kinda way)

Little did I know that both the Prime Minister and the girl whom I just had the sex with had been deceiving me all along, she was not 19 at all. Johnny had tricked me! It was not okay to sleep with this girl at all. She lied to me. I felt betrayed and worst of all I felt like Johnny had let me down.

Fuck you Mr Prime Minister.

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